I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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