make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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