my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
