Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize