i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
