You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
