Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
