Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
