dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
