dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
