Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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