Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
