call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
