Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
