Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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