shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
