I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
