If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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