i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
