Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
