$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
