Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Floor bacon is actually really good
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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