The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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