i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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