Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
