i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
