i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
