Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize