im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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