tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
