Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
