wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
