I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I think i peed on brittanys purse
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
