So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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