Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
