Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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