he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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