I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
We don't watch enough power rangers
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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