First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I supernannyed him into submission
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
