So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
