I don't remember. Are we still dating?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
