I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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