My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
