I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize