I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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