she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
found the other keg... it's in the tree
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
