Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
