That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
