It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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