Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
