I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
