Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
