Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
