We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize