i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
