All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
