just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
