like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
