So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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