So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize