a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
