ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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