i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize