apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
