I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize