My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
