my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
