tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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