Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
