Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
