I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
